My Months Medical Mania

There are 2 types of healthy, Guinea helthy and everyday all is functioning well healthy. Before last month I prided myself on the fact I was truely healthy. After experiencing a few days of sharp pain commencing at one tooth and radiating throughout my mouth I took advantage of the fact that I was in Conakry and went to see the Chinese dentist. The Guinean dentist would have just pulled the tooth because that is what you do here when you have pain in your mouth. Well, my Chinese is almost all but forgotten and she definitely did not speak English. So we resorted to French, the official language of Guinea. One does not learn the word for cavity, root canal, slight dull pain when you tape that metal instrument on that tooth in French PC language class. Only slightly better than the Guinean dentist, after 5 minutes I walked out with a perscription for some drug and a promise to pull the tooth in 10 days if the anitbotic did not cure the “infection” in my mouth. I spent over 20 some days popping 3 pills a day. So you are thinking they must have taken all of my teeth out, not so. I am a girl of variety.

Also while in Conakry I knew I was pretty sick when I could not finish conversations with loved ones without having to hand the phone to a friend for a few minutes while I did the 200 yard dash to the bathroom. The medical units soultion to this is for us, PCVs, to poop in a cup and if we are lucky it is lab day and we hand them the fresh stuff to look at under the microscope. Luck was not on my side so I got to transfer a small portion into a vial filled with something to preserve it just until they had a chance to examine it.

Sitting in my house 2 ½ weeks later PC comes for the month mailrun. A sprecial treat was in store for me which was easily identified by the brown paper bag that is unique to only the PC medical unit in Guinea. I quickly ripped it open and learned from the letter in big bold letters that I was the proud owner of “Entamoeba Histolytica Cysts (“Amoebas”) and Blastocystics Homlais (“a closely related parasite”). To complete the care package was 10 more days of drugs, rehydration salts in case of “modified stools and /or persistant diarrhea” and the chance to poop in a cup after finishing the treatment to ensure all of my friends had left me.

Not sure what made me think my medical luck would change when my trip back to Lelouma started with a scene out of the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Appartently, the all healing Windex of Guinea is perfume. After the SUV/taxi stuffed with 20 people and kids broke down for 3rd time between Labe and Lelouma (37 miles) I decided to take advantage and snuck off intothe woods to relieve myself. Trying to be discreet, I went to great efforts to camoflague myself and be modest, too great it turns out. I came back with a few deep scrapes on my arm. Of course I was not the 1st to notice. My neighbor muttered something to me as he must have noticed the pool of blood that had accumulated on his bag resting on his lap. He kindly offered me some perfume. Now, I did not shower that AM but I was a bit offended that he thought I was the one stinkinig up the sardine-mobile. Seeing the hurt in my eyes, he pointed out the cuts. At this point, I knew I must not have understood his French and what he was really offering me and why. Now it was his turn to shoot a hurt glare at me with the perfume bottle in hand. Thinking I rejected his certain brand, others began digging in their bags for a “fresher scent”. Cultural confusion strikes again! Apparently, perfume made it to Guinea before the NGO first aid kits.